Loss, Celebration, and New Life

I woke up with that feeling of heaviness already on my heart. It was confirmed when I opened Facebook and found out that a friend of mine had lost her baby. The post was simple and sweet...Millie Anna passed away this afternoon. It was peaceful, she was in Keri's arms when she passed. Our hearts are broken, but we know we'll see our baby girl again someday...as tears filled my eyes, I felt my heart break. It broke for the family that would never see baby Millie grow up. It broke because I just didn't understand, I don't think I ever will. Loss...it's a part of our daily lives and yet understanding it is not something that is easy to do.

I walked down to my truck to leave for a Bible study and immediately the enemy started speaking to my mind. As you all know, I was expecting my third grand baby anytime now. I started hearing words like...what if this happens to Michael and Laura, you can't get home fast enough, there would be no family to surround you or them...but right in the midst of these thoughts, the Holy Spirit broke in and said, "worship." One word, "worship." So, I did! Through tears of sorrow and pain, I worshiped to the following song...

 Who compares to You, who set the stars in their place

You who calmed the raging seas, that came crashing over me

Who compares to You, You who brings the morning light

The hope of all the earth, is rest assured in Your great love

You are magnificent eternally

Wonderful, glorious, Jesus

No one ever will compare

To You Jesus

In the very midst of my grief, The Lord reminded me that He hung the stars. He commands the winds and the waves. He is magnificent.

When I arrived at the Bible study, my heart was settled. God had this, and all would be well. About half-way through Bible study, my phone buzzed. Four simple words showed on the screen...Hey. Here we go...It was time for baby Amos to make his apprearance into this world. Grand baby number three! Ok...focus! You're in Bible study! 

Carla asked if anyone had felt a spiritual battle happen in their lives. I shared that mine had been just that morning and how God had moved in with peace. The word says pull down imaginations. The pulling down of imaginations is my job, and when I do that, He can move in with such amazing peace. He also reminded me that, though I'm not with my family at home, I am surrounded by my family here. This was punctuated by a sweet little hug from an almost 2 year old. This sweet baby reached for me, and then just snuggled against my neck with the best little baby hug. God works in mysterious ways and He works through sweet baby hugs!

In the midst of all that was going on, we also had a Welcome Home Celebration for our home on base. Brett has been working so hard to get us back into a place and settled, so that, we can stop living out of totes.

First we were blessed with the toast from Carla's favorite movie, It's a Wonderful Life...Bread–that this house may never know hunger. Salt–that life may always have flavor. Wine–that joy and prosperity may reign forever.

Next, we had communion with about 30 people in our new home. It was a beautiful moment shared with my family from around the world. To quote Kacy, "it's so peaceful." Yep, she made me cry!

After this, we celebrated the way we celebrate all Welcome Home parties...we danced! If you want to see a quick glimpse of Brett dancing, go to my Facebook wall, it's worth the thirty seconds!

When the party was over and everyone needed to get back to work, I headed out with Kacy to do a home visit. This home visit was super special to me. Gracious, a volunteer in Mbonisweni, has not been able to come lately because she was in a taxi accident that caused her some blindness. They have done surgery on one eye and the other eye will be done next month. However, her 13 year old daughter, Rivoniago, comes every Wednesday and says, "Gogo, when can you come to my house?" Every week we have a team, so I've had to tell her no. Finally! I was able to say, "I'm coming!" We had a great time visiting with Gracious, Rivoniago, and Praise!

We learned that Gracious has raised her children with love, respect and an ability to dream! Rivoniago wants to be a weather person and Praise wants to be a policeman. Gracious just wants them to have more and better than she had. It was beautiful!

Kacy caught this beautiful moment on camera and I'm so thankful! Using some of my Gogo/Bubbie love on Rivoniago!

Now, I know what you're thinking...there can't possibly be anymore to her day! WRONG! We got back to base and CityMark blessed us with dinner. You remember way back at the top when I said Michael and Laura were on their way? Well, all during dinner the question was, "any news?" The reply was, "no!"

Finally, at 6:44 South African time, we got the message that Amos Michael Roseman had entered into this beautiful world. Brett and I had a moment of prayer over this new little life and then I headed out with the news. Family here rejoiced just like my family would rejoice at home. There was shouting, dancing, prayers and tears. 

Amos Michael Roseman

Our days on the earth will always be filled with sorrow, celebration, and new life. Yesterday I was reminded that God is with us in the sorrow. God is with us in celebration. God is with us in new life. 

God is always with us!

A Knight's Tale: Knighting Scene (with subtitles)

The above clip is from the movie A Knight's Tale, starring the late Heath Ledger. The story line is simple...common man, William Thatcher, wants to be a knight, which is not allowed, because only those of noble birth can become knights. The knight that he is a squire for dies and he takes his place. From that point on, he competes as Sir Ulrich von Liechtenstein until an enemy finds out who he truly is and has him arrested.



Brett and I have enjoyed watching this movie over the years and, on occasion, find ourselves quoting it. Not too long ago, we were doing just that, and this scene popped into my head. At this point, because he has been pretending to be of noble birth, he's arrested and put in the stocks. However, Prince Edward, who he showed mercy to earlier in the film, shows up and that's when the above scene takes place.



Starting at 2:20, the Prince begins his speech. "He may appear to be of humble origins, but my personal historians have discovered that he is descendant of an ancient royal line. This is my word, and as such, is beyond contestation."



As I thought of those words, the Holy Spirit spoke very clearly to my heart, "those very words apply to you as well, only they have been spoken by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords! The Word of the Lord is that you are His. You are beautifully and wonderfully made. You are righteous. You are healed. You are full of faith. You are all that His word says you are, and, as such, is beyond contestation!"



My word to you today is this...people told William Thatcher who he was. They told him "you can never change your stars." You can never be a knight, you're just a commoner. BUT! When the Prince comes in and tells him who he is, His world changes! The enemy will try to tell you who you are, please don't listen! The King of Kings has told you in His word who you are and, as such, IT IS BEYOND CONTESTATION!!

Trees, Seasons, and Being Rooted

When I was a little girl, we lived on the corner, in a little town called Granite Quarry, North Carolina. We had one tree in our front yard...actually it was the only tree in the whole yard! I loved this tree. It was easy to climb, a great place to sit and read, and, simply put, it was "my tree." 

When I was in my twenties, married, and no longer living at home, dad decided that the tree needed to come down. Even though the tree was dying and a limb could have easily fallen on the house, I was devasted. "This is my tree, how could we just cut down?!" Yes, I was married and in my twenties and yet...I cried.

Picture a giant oak tree and the way it looks in all it's seasons...full, green, and shady in the summer. Bright red, yellow and orange leaves in the fall. Giant, stark against a gray, cold winter day. Full of buds in spring...every season may be different, but the tree still holds an amazing beauty.

Kruger Park has become a sanctuary for me when I've had a rough week. Saturday, as I drove through for some much needed Jesus time, The Lord started speaking to me about trees, seasons, and being rooted. You see, there's one tree that, no matter what day I go, or what time I drive past it, I always take it's picture. This time when I took it's picture, I felt like the Holy Spirit was beginning to speak to my heart. As I drove on, looking for the elusive animals of the park, I just couldn't keep my mind from the tree nor my eyes from looking at other trees. 

                                                        This is "the tree."

Trees just seemed to literally stand out to me yesterday. I would be driving and suddenly stop to take a picture of a tree. This can cause quite a commotion in Kruger, if you have someone following you! Many times I had to flag people on, only to tell them "no animal, just taking a picture of that tree." Yes...my day was full of funny looks! People just don't understand...

The next tree that caught my eye, wasn't pretty at all, but as I looked at it, I realized that I felt the way it looked...BARREN...

I felt like every thing that makes me beautiful and makes me who I am had been shaken and ripped from me. I had a day where I just didn't feel like I could say anything right to anybody. I had a day where I just couldn't wrap my head around what I was being asked to do. I had a day that someone said "I played favorites." All of these days added up to me feeling shaken and unsure of who I am. While I sat looking at this tree and telling God, "I feel exactly like this tree looks," I could feel the Holy Spirit start to speak. "Yes, it's barren, but it's just a season. A season like what you're facing." My response, "I don't think I like where this conversation is going." "I know," He said, "but trust Me, it's going to be good. Drive on."

So, I drove...

As I drove, the Holy Spirit began to remind me of some things about trees, seasons, and being rooted. In the fall of the year, leaves are at their most beautiful point...RIGHT.BEFORE.THEY.DIE Now, that sounds a little ominous, but think of it this way...we want to be more like Christ, but in order to do that we must die to our old selves. Christ begins to work on some areas that might be giving us some trouble in our growth to be like Him. If the leaves stayed on the tree forever, there would be no room for new growth. When we're not faced with challenges and trials, there's no room for new growth. 

                                                             It's just a season!

Winter is when the tree "looks" barren, when, in actuality, all that's going on is the opportunity for growth. Yes, it feels like you're as barren as the day is long, but hold on, God is working! At least I know He's working on me. I want there to be new growth. I want there to be change. Doesn't mean I like the winter season, however, I'm beginning to see the beauty in it...at least I am after yesterday. 

                                                             It's just a season!

Spring! This is the time that everything just seems to pop and sizzle with new life! One day you may look out your window and all you see is the barren tree. The next...WHAM...the tree is alive and bursting with new life!! This is that place where you realize that the challenges and the trials may come but you've learned to have faith that God is going to help you through. This is the that place where you come out of feeling barren and start to realize you are new! Your responses are different, your thought life is different. You are different and full of new life!

                                                               It's just a season!                                      

Remember that giant oak from earlier? Summer is when people can sit in it's shade and feel the breeze blow through on a hot summer's day. Summer time is when you're finally in full and ultimate capacity of who you are and what your purpose is. You are complete and people can benefit from you and you can help them understand their winters. 

                                                               It's just a season!

Now...being rooted...

The last stop on this journey was a place called Lake Panic Hide. It's quiet and the perfect place for the rest of this conversation. It was at this place, where hippos were playing and fish eagles were "singing," that the Holy Spirit reminded me of...

Psalm 1:1-3 Blessed happy, fortunate, prosperous, and enviable is the man who walks and lives not in the counsel of the ungodly following their advice, their plans and purposes, nor stands submissive and inactive in the path where sinners walk, nor sits down to relax and rest where the scornful and the mockers gather. But his delight and desire are in the law of the Lord, and on His law the precepts, the instructions, the teachings of God he habitually meditates ponders and studies by day and by night. And he shall be like a tree firmly planted and tended by the streams of water, ready to bring forth its fruit in its season; its leaf also shall not fade or wither; and everything he does shall prosper and come to maturity. AMP

Isaiah 61:3 To grant consolation and joy to those who mourn in Zion—to give them an ornament a garland or diadem of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, the garment expressive of praise instead of a heavy, burdened, and failing spirit—that they may be called oaks of righteousness lofty, strong, and magnificent, distinguished for uprightness, justice, and right standing with God, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. AMP

Colossians 2:7 Have the roots of your being firmly and deeply planted in Him, fixed and founded in Him, being continually built up in Him, becoming increasingly more confirmed and established in the faith, just as you were taught, and abounding and overflowing in it with thanksgiving. AMP

No matter the season, I am firmly rooted and grounded in the King of Kings!