Struggle

Struggling….one word… made for a very… long… day.

I’m going to give you an overview of what happened yesterday that caused me to struggle. Growing up in the church, where my Granddaddy was the Pastor, I learned to do everything. We painted the church, we cleaned the church, we did the yard work of the church, we were in the choir, we kept the nursery, we did kids church, we were ushers, we were greeters, etc. By now you should be getting the picture…if it needed done, we did it. WE DID IT.

Hospitality is what I do, and I enjoy and love that God wove that into the fabric of my very being.  (Psalm 139) So, when I find myself in a place where this is not what I’m supposed to do, I struggle. I struggle, to let go and let someone else do the things that they are assigned to do, especially if they’re not sure of what needs to be done or if they look completely lost. Here in was the beginning of a very…long…day.

It started with very little sleep and a fire alarm/house alarm at 4:45! It went off three times!! There was no cause for concern! It was just acting very wonky. Well, we’re awake so let’s get moving. Next is where the trouble began. There were some problems in the kitchen and I stepped in to help. There were very good intentions to my actions, however, I still stepped over the line that had been drawn for me and by me. I am NOT staff, I am a DTS student, however, because I have been here before and knew what needed to be done, I acted as staff. Hence, stepping over my boundary! The hardest part is this, Brett called me on it. At first it was with a bit of a harsh tone but then he spoke lovingly to me and called me out. Struggle begins!! My heart was in the right place but it was still wrong.

After that moment of being called out, I just couldn't seem to get myself together. Missing my family came flooding in. Missing being able to call my mom or dad and actually hear their voice and talk it through, came flooding in. I began to miss not only my immediate family, but also my extended family, and my church family. The tears began! These were the first major tears I've cried since we got here. It 

was a struggle.

Tears are a language that God understands and, even in the midst of our tears, He can break through and speak to our hearts. After lunch, I went to our room to lie down and just have some quiet time with God. As I poured out my heart through tears, He spoke gently to my heart Colossians 4:2-6 Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains, pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

So now I've been “called out” by my husband, and in the moment of crying out to God to fix it, I’m “called out” by God. God gently pointed out what I needed to do, not what everyone else needed to do. Isn't it great how God does that? The only person we can work on is us. Boundaries are a good thing. Learning to live within your boundaries is a good thing. Learning to let go of something, so that God can lead you into something new, is good.

With all that said, I am a DTS student. I am here to be taught and to learn what God has for me to learn. This is my boundary and I am going to learn to stay within it.