Being Vulnerable...

...and the courage it takes! The definition of vulnerable, according to merriam-webster.com, is open to attack, harm, or damage. Being vulnerable about who you are and the story you have can be hard. It leaves you open and exposed to be attacked. You don't know if the person you're sharing with will be encouraged and touched by your story or if they'll try to cause you harm and attack you because of your story. 

Being vulnerable takes courage!

In order for someone to be vulnerable with us, we need to be willing to do several things. We need to be willing to love them no matter what they tell us. We need to be willing to walk in relationship with them for as long as it takes. We need to be willing to not judge them or their story.

Being vulnerable takes courage!

When someone tells you their story, it's personal because, well, it's theirs. They are the ones that lived it. They are the ones that feel the pain. They are the ones that feel the joy. They are the ones that feel the shame. They are the ones that felt loved or, most times, unloved.

Being vulnerable takes courage!

I want to tell you a story of a lady that I love and how, after a year working with her, she finally became vulnerable. To you it may seem small and insignificant, but to me...well let's just say, to me it's amazing!

REMEMBER! Being vulnerable takes courage!

I have been working with this sweet young woman, she's younger than me and I'll call her S, for just over a year. At the beginning of our relationship, S would welcome me, hug me, and that was pretty much it, except to ask, "When are you going to build me a house?" She would hardly ever stay still at tea time...checking the pots or cleaning or loving on a baby...and to be honest it frustrated me. I wanted her to hear what I had to say. It was important for her to be discipled, why couldn't she just stay still for 20 minutes?! Yes, these things crossed my mind. Remember, being vulnerable takes courage for all of us. But...

I began to really take notice of her and listen to her words. I began to look between the lines. I had a sneaky feeling that I knew what was going on, but I also knew that our relationship had not yet arrived at a place where I could ask her the question that was on my mind.

Being vulnerable takes courage!

In June, we started a Bible Study at 7:30 on Tuesday mornings that we wanted the ladies to attend, so that we could come together as Ten thousand Homes staff and Mbonisweni volunteers and get to know each other better. We were wanting it to be a time where stories and life could be shared as we walked through this study about community and God together. We printed books for everyone. We were excited! She came...one time.

Being vulnerable takes courage!

Every Wednesday I would say, "I missed you yesterday! I wish you would come and be a part of our Bible study, I love you and miss you when I don't get to see your smiling face!" She would just smile and say, "I was busy" or "so sorry, I couldn't be there." Remember, I was watching and I was listening. There was something that she wasn't telling me and I knew that whatever it was, it was wrapped in absolute shame.

Being vulnerable takes courage!

Finally, I knew it was time to ask the question that was burning in my heart. Finally, I knew we were at the place in our friendship...family...where I could be vulnerable with her. Finally, God opened a door that I could walk through. So!

We went out one day and sat under the tree in the church yard. Just S and I. Following is our conversation...

Me...can I ask you a very, very, very personal question?

S...yes, Wendy.

Me...I want you to know that this is not to embarrass you in any way, but it's something that I think I can help with.

S...I love you Wendy, you can ask me anything.

Me...S, can you read?

My heart is pounding now just as it was then. As she looked me straight in the eye, something she has never done, she said...

S...no, Wendy, I can't read or write. I want to learn! I want to learn to read and write English.

Me...S, thank you. Thank you for sharing and being vulnerable with me. I'm not sure where to start, however, we will make a plan to start teaching you how to read and write. You are a smart woman and I know you can do it!

Now, sometimes, when people share something so deep and personal they shut down, especially in this culture. Was this what S would do? Would she shut down and pull away from me? The answer to that is a great big NO! S has continued to love me, confide in me AND she is even the one stressing that it's time for tea time to the other women.

Something changed with us that day. I was vulnerable in the asking and she was vulnerable in the answering and God moved. I believe that God has great plans for the women of Mbonisweni and am I am so excited that He has chosen me to be a part of it.

Being vulnerable takes courage! Are you ready to be courageous?