What Song Are You Listening To?

When I was growing up, if I was in the car with my dad, the radio was on and we were singing with every song that came on. If we were in the grocery store and he wanted to sing a song about buying toilet paper, he sang it! He would make up songs about whatever came to mind or, if someone said something like, "I feel good," yep, we would break out with our best James Brown...don't deny it, you just did the same thing!

I can hear a song and it will immediately take me back....I Feel Good, I Love Beach Music, Great Balls of Fire, Junk Yard Dog, Ain't No Mountain High Enough, Take Me Back, Through It All, My Tribute, Soon and Very Soon...it takes me back to walks on the beach with my dad, riding in the back of a truck with my brothers going to the beach, going to softball games, little league games and Granite Lake and it makes me smile. I hear classical music and my mind drifts to going to sleep beside my mom when dad worked third shift. She would set the timer on the clock radio to 60 minutes and I'd drift off to sleep to Bach. And do you know what I drift off to when I fly? You got it, classical. 

I'm guessing you're wondering where this is going and I'm going to tell you right now. Just as these songs elicit memories that make me smile, there are also the songs that, if I'm not careful, I'll play over and over in my mind that do not elicit smiles but questions about who I am. We all do it. We'll tune into R.E.G.R.E.T radio and we'll listen to the top 6 countdown...I Wish I Had, I Shoulda, I Could Have Done it Better, I'll Never Make It, I'm Not Good Enough, and, my personal favorite, What If. The main problem with R.E.G.R.E.T radio, is that is owned and operated by the enemy of our soul, Satan, and his desire is to get you to play these same songs over and over and over, until they become your only sound track and you can't hear what W.O.G.R...Word of God Radio...has to say.

W.O.G.R is playing tunes that uplift your soul and bring healing to the places that R.E.G.R.E.T radio doesn't want you to get healing for. Let's check out the top 10 songs on W.O.G.R!

10. Colossians 2:10 I am COMPLETE in Him Who is the head of all principality and power

9. Ephesians 2:5 I am ALIVE with Christ

8. Romans 8:2 I am FREE from the law of sin and death

7. Ephesians 1:4 / 1 Peter 1:16 I am holy and WITHOUT blame before Him in LOVE

6. Philippians 4:7 I have the PEACE of God that passes ALL understanding

5. 1 John 4:4 I HAVE the greater One living IN me; GREATER is He that is IN me than he that is in the world

4. Romans 5:17 I have received the gift of RIGHTEOUSNESS and reign as a king in life by Christ Jesus

3. Ephesians 2:10 I AM God's workmanshsip, CREATED in Christ for good works

2. 2 Corinthians 5: I AM a NEW creature in Christ

1. Romans 8:37-39 No, in all these things we ARE more than conquerors through Him who LOVED us. For I am SURE that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor ANYTHING else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the LOVE of God in Christ Jesus our Lord. 

This is only the top 10! There are many more scriptures in the Word of God that tell us who we are in Him! I encourage you today to take the time to press STOP on R.E.G.R.E.T radio and press PLAY on W.O.G.R! Let that station play on repeat and, trust me, He will continue to heal your heart and lift you up!

One last video

You're a Good, Good Father

Sometimes...

I want to tell God, "no, I don't want to be obedient." 

I want to scream, "I don't understand!"

I think God can never use me.

I physically ache to hold my family.

When I'm in South Africa, I want to be in North Carolina.

When I'm in North Carolina, I want to be in South Africa.

I wonder, "do I belong anywhere?"

I just want to sit on the beach and shed an ocean of tears. 

I need to be encouraged.

I need rest.

I don't need to do anything, because I need to just be. 

I am broken by an acquaintance who questions my love for my grandchildren because I chose to be obedient to God and the calling He has on my life. 

I wonder what would happen if I'm in South Africa and one of my family dies. 

I just want to be my daddy's little girl for a day.

As I pour this out before God, I begin to feel His Presence wash over me. I begin to hear His voice speak to me...

I know you don't want to be obedient, but you are and it's beautiful.

Right now you don't understand, but one day you will.

I'm in the business of using people that are open to being used.

Let me comfort that empty place in you.

There is nothing wrong with missing home, whether it's South Africa or North Carolina. 

You BELONG to Me!

I hear every single word that your tears represent and they touch My heart.

You ARE My beloved daughter. You ARE Mine and I AM yours. 

My daughter, rest in Me.

Be still and know that I am God.

I know your heart and the depth of love you have for your family. I don't question your love for them and I don't want you to question it. 

You be about My business and I'll be about your business. 

Come as little child before Me. Let me hold you. 

Life is full of sometimes moments that can either make or break us. Our choice is what we do with them. Do we lean into Him in the sometimes moments or do we get stuck in the sometimes moments? 

My choice today is to lean into Him and allow His love, joy, peace, mercy and grace to wash over and heal my hurting heart. What's your choice?

Transitional Time

In July, Brett and I began to have dreams and visions that, honestly, didn't make any sense at the time and we were praying that God would reveal their meaning to us. Then, in the middle of August, as I was laying my head down for the night, I heard the voice of God very clear and concise. "Leave this land, this family and go to a place that I will show you." This is from Genesis 12:1. A sense of peace flooded over me and I went straight to sleep, only to awake about 2:00 AM with Proverbs 4:7...The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever you get, get insight....running through my head. As I lay on the couch trying to figure out what was going on, I gently fell back to sleep.

The next day, I spoke to Brett and we knew without a doubt that we needed to get some wisdom and insight for the dreams that we were dreaming and the words that God was speaking to our hearts. We immediately sent out SMS's/Text to several spiritual leaders in our life with the following message. "Please pray for us and if you receive a word from the Lord, please tell us." We didn't tell them ANYTHING that the Lord had spoken because we wanted to see if there was confirmation. The words of confirmation began to come. Let me say again that these folks had no idea what was being dreamed or spoken. Some of these folks had scripture, some just had words, some had full on commentary.

At this point, we did begin to speak out what God was showing us through the dreams, words, and scripture. We put in several calls to our pastor, Chris Shelton of Life Church SalisburyWe shared our hearts about what God was speaking and how to handle this transition well. Pastor Chris listened and gave advice and spoke words of encouragement.  I want to say that Pastor Chris and Life Church have rocked our planet with their love for us and we are more than grateful for our family at Life Church!

When we began this journey, we never imagined that God would call us away from Ten Thousand Homes, but He has. Funny thing is this, we had several people ask us if we thought that this was our training ground and we would always laugh and say, "Nope! We're here for the long haul!" Guess what? We've found ourselves right in the middle of Proverbs 16:9. Our hearts made a plan but God...well He has other plans. Now we have a choice, choose obedience to His call or stay, dig our heels in and pull a Jonah. Let me tell you, three days in the belly of giant fish is NOT my idea of a pleasure cruise!

So! We are in a time of transition. We have left our missionary training ground at Ten Thousand Homes and we are waiting on the Lord to reveal the next step in the journey. We have been blessed with a place to stay while we sort out our Visa and seek the Lord on the next step of our journey. How God worked this out is a whole other blog! We both feel that we are still called to this area of South Africa, however, we're keeping our hearts, our eyes and our ears open to what the Lord would have us do.

We are so very grateful to Jeremy and Jen Price and John and Carla Shaw, the elder team at Ten Thousand Homes, for allowing us the opportunity to work with TTH and for trusting us to lead things like tea time in Mbon and building homes. We are thankful for their prayer of blessing over us as we left and we pray that God continues to open up the windows of heaven and bless TTH.

Thank you to those who have supported us through your on-going prayers and gifts of finances. I like to call you guys prayerful, financial missionaries! You may not be able to go, but you pray and give to those that do and for that we are all truly grateful! Should you want to become a member of our financial missionary group, you can give through World Outreach.

It's a new journey! Come along for the ride!

From Sister Wendow to Mama Wendy....

.....God's journey of maturity in my life.

In 2006, at the age of 40, I set out on a journey to Ethiopia with a group of about 20 people who had never done a missions trip, much less traveled to a third world country. One of my spiritual mama's, Shirley, and one of my spiritual dad's, David, led the trip. Some of the funniest moments from this trip involved Shirley and her desire to make sure that she brought all of us back home! If she counted her group once, she counted us a thousand times! Everytime we moved in the airport, she counted us. When we got on the plane, she counted us. If we went to the bathroom or sneezed, she counted us. By the end of the trip we were all saying we were going to buy her a stick like the little shepherd boys had and then she wouldn't need to count us, but could just smack us on the backside to keep us together!

Anyway! Away from that rabbit trail! When we arrived at the orphanage, I became known as sister Wendow. You see, in their language, they didn't have the "dy" sound, but a "dow" sound, so, sister Wendow it was. I liked this! I was the cool sister! Even though I was old enough to be their mom, I wanted to be the cool sister. The one that played with the kids and made silly faces. The one that didn't have to make the grown up decisions. It was great!

Move ahead to 2011 and my first trip to South Africa. By now I'm 45, but I still get to be the silly, lay on the ground and pretend I'm a crocodile, sister figure. Honestly, I wanted to be the cool sister figure or the cool Auntie figure because I wasn't "old" enough to be the mama figure. The sister and the auntie don't have to make serious decisions and talk to you about growing up. They just get to be the one that loves on you and makes you laugh. Besides, I have two children at home that call me mom, I don't need anyone else calling me mom! 

Next step, 2012, 46 years old, and the year that things begin to change. Thuli, the pastor's wife in Mbonisweni, told me I reminded her of her mom, always smiling. On the way back to Joburg, we stopped half-way for the potty break that was supposed to a 10 minute stop. 10 minutes drifted into 20 minutes and we were wondering what in the world we were waiting for. Come to find out, we were waiting for Thuli and Sthembiso to meet us to say goodbye. The moment Thuli hugged me she said, "I'm going to miss you mom!" Oh man! 

As we climbed into the shuttle, I remember thinking, "I don't want to be known as the mom, I want to be known as the cool auntie!" Immediately I heard the following words from the Lord, "Do not discount being called mom in this country." This was such a sweet correction and an absolute profound moment for my life. 

Having grown up with my mom always in my life, I had no idea the depth of hurt, confusion and pain that come with a life where no momma is there to wrap you in their arms and tell you it's all going to be okay. No one to kiss the little boos boos that come with life. No one to role model what it's like to be a momma. No one to ask the hard questions to. Questions like, why don't I have a father or why do I have HIV?

With that one sweet, "I'll miss you mom," my role shifted. I realized that there is a sweetness to being called momma by those that you didn't birth into this world. I've also begun to wonder how Sarah felt knowing she was going to be the mother of a nation. The weight of responsibility is staggering and yet....

God called me to be a momma. 

To love unconditionally, to speak hard truths, and to make the hard decisions. He has called me to kiss the broken and tell them it's all going to be okay. He has called me to role model what being a momma is like. He's called me to answer the hard questions. He's called me to sit and listen to the cries of those that are adopted. He's called me to listen to the cries of the sick and He's called me to tell them that they have a Father that loves them so much that He sent His only Son to a cross. 

God called me to be a momma!

Rise Up!

Titus 2:3-5English Standard Version (ESV)

3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

Has God ever spoken something to you that you questioned His timing or actually said the words, "um, I  think you've got the wrong person?" Now, for those of you that just answered, "no," I will be praying for you because I believe we've all done it at one time or another in our lives. As a matter of fact, my time was about two months ago. God began to speak to me five words..."rise up daughter of God!" 

My very first thought was, "rise up? I thought I did the rising up when I left my family and moved to South Africa to do the work of the ministry?" 

God's response? "Yes, you did. Now I want you to rise up further." 

"This is getting ready to get even harder, isn't it?"

"Yes, my daughter, but it's nothing that you can not handle as long as you choose to stay rooted and grounded in Me. As long as you allow the Holy Spirit to lead you. You can do this!"

"How do You know?" YES! I just asked God that question...stop laughing!

"Because, I created it in you. I created you for good works!"

"Ok, then. Let's do this!"

Now, in the beginning, this was awesome and I was all ready to do it and then...yep, then life happened. I had the opportunity to start walking out exactly what God was calling me to. I had the opportunity to rise up and honestly, I. Did. Not. Like. It! 

Growing up, I can remember my granddaddy, a great man of God, saying, "the enemy comes immediately to steal the word." This is what the enemy of our soul desires to do, steal the Word that has been spoken to us, because he knows that if it takes root in us, we will draw our swords and do battle. Rising up to be who God intended for us to be. 

Battle lines were drawn.

The enemy of my soul on one side, ready to steal the word.

Me on the other, sword drawn, ready to rise up.

The difference in the sides is this...God, my God, is on my side! God had spoken a word to me that I grabbed onto to and planted it deep within my spirit. 

Yes, God is calling me deeper. God is calling me to be a complete Titus woman. 

Be reverent. 

Rise up!

Don't gossip. Even with prayer request!

Rise up!

Teach what is good. Which means I must know the what the Word says!

Rise up!

Train the young women.

Rise up!

Be self-controlled. Even when I want to be yell and scream.

Rise up!

Be pure. 

Rise up!

Submit to Brett.

Please know that I have not yet arrived, however, I am trying my best to walk in this role that God has entrusted to me. 

Rise up!

Rise up daughter of God.

Rise up!

Beautiful Hands

God has called each and everyone of us to be His hands and feet in this earth. Yesterday I got to bless the hands of a beautiful Gogo in Dwaleni. The ladies name is Zodwa and yesterday was her birthday. I asked the ladies to speak out what they love and appreciate about her. Here are some of their words...

When I was getting tired of being the only one making sure that the center was clean, God sent me Zodwa.  She comes everyday and cleans the center and she cleans it with joy.

She loves the children and wants to see them have plenty to eat.

Her smile is full of love.

As these words were spoken over her, I could tell that her heart was being encouraged. I also heard the Holy Spirit say, "get where you can hold her hands, look her in the eyes and bless her."

As I took her hands and proceeded to speak life into her, the Holy Spirit took over. To be honest, I'm not really sure of all that I said, but I do remember talking about her hands and how God is using them to bless people....warning rabbit trail ahead!...Earlier, she had given me a shawl and a hat that she had made....In ONE day! The pictures can be seen on Facebook....I remember talking about how her hands blessed me so much and with those words the tears fell.

You see, Zodwa is old enough to remember the hard times of apartheid.  She is old enough to know that a white woman should never say that a black woman's hands had blessed her. She is old enough to remember and I am too stubborn to let racial divides happen.

As we held hands and tears fell, we were knit together in Him.

Colossians 2:2 Being knit together in love; to reach all the riches of full assurance of understanding and the knowledge of God's mystery, which is Christ. 

IF....

Have you ever heard of an IF:Table? I hadn't heard of this until several weeks ago, when my dear friend, Nancy Purdy, introduced me to it. On Friday, 29, June, 2015, we had our first IF:Table here in South Africa and we knew that it would be something that we will continue to do with our hospitality team.

For those, like me, who are unfamiliar with an IF:Table, here is a simple explanation. An IF:Table is a time to break bread together according to Acts 2:46 "They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts." It's a time to fellowship and ask questions to get to know others

Today, I was struggling with what to bring at tea time in Mbonesweni. As clear as day I heard the Lord say, "Do an IF:Table." So an IF:Table it was. I headed to town to get some "bread" to break, which for tea time is translated lemon poppy seed muffins, double chocolate muffins, popcorn, chips and cold drinks. Normally, we only have this kind of thing for special occasions like birthdays, so they didn't know what was about to happen. Actually, I wasn't even ready for what was about to happen. 

I do want to set a stage for you. I have been working with these beautiful women for two years. For two years I've taught them to the best of my ability. For two years I've asked them to trust me. And after two years, there are still days when I walk away saying, "I just don't know or will they ever be truly transparent with me." Then today happened....

The first question was meant to be an easy answer that, honestly, I figured they'd give the answer they thought I would want to hear. That is not what happened! The first question was....

If you could invite anyone to this table, who would it be and why? I started with, "I would invite my daddy to come sit at this table because he has never seen me here and doing what I love." The answers that followed both broke my heart and made my heart smile all at the same time. 

"I would invite my mother who lives 15 hours away because she has never seen my home here." Me...."do you miss her greatly?" A simple "yes" was the answer. 

"I would invite my granny, who is in heaven, because she and I never got to sit at a table and just talk." "Why didn't you just sit and talk?" "Because we were just too busy." 

"I would invite my very best friend because she has a heart for Africa and I believe she would love this." 

"I would invite my father because I haven't seen him in over two years and I want him to see my son."

"I would invite my granny because I want her to see what I'm doing. She doesn't understand this life that God has called me to." How old is your granny? "She's 82." So, she grew up during apartheid and would never have shared a meal with a white person, right? "She has never shared a meal where white people and black people sat at the same table." 

"I would invite my children because we love to eat together and talk about our day."

Can you see and hear the reasons why my heart both broke and smiled at the same time?

God was feeding me the next question while we were in the midst of the first question and, to be completely honest, I was arguing with God. Are you sure about this question?! I don't they're ready for this question! Ever so gently, God said, "They're more ready than you know." 

If you could ask God any question what would it be? The questions came flying in....

"Why was I born poor?"

"Is my birth father, whom I've never met, saved?"

"Why do men here always beat their women?"

"Is my father, whom I only met once before he died, in heaven or hell?"

"Where can I find my success? I've looked everywhere but I can't find it."

"Why would a loving Father allow pain and suffering?"

"Is my birth father, whoever he is, saved?"

My question to the Lord, that I was asking in my head..."why, Lord, did you have me ask this question and then not have an answer." He gently reminded me, "you know the answer. Speak truth and allow the Holy Spirit to speak through you." 

I know that God never intended for their to be poverty, pain, and suffering. I know that it all began with a choice made by Adam and Eve. They believed the lie of the enemy that said God is holding out on you. People make choices and sometimes those choices hurt other people. One thing I know for sure is that God loves us. He sent his son, Jesus, because he loves us so much and truly wants the best for us. I know that God loves us. I KNOW that God loves us. 

For me, such sweetness surrounded that moment. They were open, they were honest and they were transparent and they were most definitely vulnerable. They want answers just like the rest of the world and God is trusting me to help them find those answers in him and be his hands and feet right here on this earth. 

As I was talking to a member of our team, Tom, he helped me to realize that it was the perfect day for an IF:Table because of where Mary is. Read yesterdays blog if you haven't already! Mary is in a tender, vulnerable spot and she shared it yesterday and put it all out there for all of us to know. She stood outside of shame and said this is what happened and I am finished. She told how he burned everything and she even asked us to go and get her medication because she was afraid to walk there alone. Tom helped me see that God was using the moment to take them deeper and that one day we'll look back and say, "this day, something changed. This day, something happened in the spirit that changed a community. On this day, Thursday, 11, June, 2015...on this day!"

***One last thing for you to rejoice over....Mary's child is now with her and the husband has not pursued her or him. Please continue to pray over Mary, her son, and all the women, men and children that are caught in the cycle of abuse.

Hanging Onto Hope!

**name has been changed**

Over the last week this is where I have been...hanging onto hope. 

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I head over to Mbonesweni, get out of the car, and begin a ritual that I love...hugging six beautiful women, telling them I love them, get to work chopping onions (they actually leave these for me), and listening to these same six women chatter away in Siswati. You can better believe that when one is missing, I KNOW IT!

Last Tuesday was no different. Got out of the car, hugs, kisses, I love you's, all said and knives grabbed and....wait...where is **Mary**? No one knows. Have any of you heard from her...no. Does anyone have her cell number? She doesn't have a phone right now. The question, "do you think she is okay," is met with, "we don't know." 

Those three words...we don't know...are the hardest words for me to hear and, I think, for them to say. You see, Mary, is in an abusive situation. It's actually not much difference here than in the states...I'll find you if you leave...I'll never do it again...you made me angry...you want to see your child, then you come home to me...I will never let you go, you deserve this...............

We were finally able to get a little bit of information...he beat her and she left and went to town on Monday, we haven't seen her since. Thursday rolled around and still no Mary, and still no word on where she was or if she was safe. Finally, Friday came and I got a call that said, "she has called her mom, she's safe and she's in Johannesburg. SAFE! Away from him! Please Lord continue to keep her safe!

Tuesday, this week. Same routine...get out of the car, WAIT! Not the same routine! She's here! She's back! I lean in to hug her and tell her, "I've missed you and been worried about you." She looks up at me and says, "I'm fine," but the smile that usually lights up her eyes is not there. I know that is probably all I'll get...for now.

We go about our work as if Mary has never missed a day. My first thought was, "she still doesn't trust us," but I knew that was not truth. She was just ashamed and trying to be strong. And then...we had finished tea time and Patchi was asking Mary if she was okay. There, see it? Right there...a break in the armor. Mary began to open up that he burned everything that was in the house...her blankets, mattresses, medication...she was left with nothing. He has also taken her son and will not allow her to have him unless she returns to him. 

Right there she started saying, "it's finished. I deserve better. I shouldn't have to always be running. He needs to understand, it's finished, but he doesn't. I am telling you, it's finished!" We asked if she was going to have to face him in order for it to be truly finished and she spoke words that have my heart torn. She said, "the elders from both families with meet." What does that even mean?! What if they decide that she must stay with him?! What if, what if, what if?! Brett just happened to be out there and we prayed protection over her and God's love and truth about who she is over her. As we prayed, she wept. As we prayed hope over her, she poured out her tears to God. 

Today, I am hanging onto hope for all the women, men and children that are battered and abused. Hope that they will find a way out before it is truly too late. Hope that they will realize that God never, ever intended for them to be someones punching bag. Hope that they will come to truly know who they are in Christ. Hope that they will begin to see their value in Christ. And yes, I'm even holding onto hope that these men will be introduced to Christ and that the Holy Spirit will change them from the inside out. 

Father, today we hold onto hope for your children that are in abusive situations. We ask that you give them knowledge that there is a way out. We ask that you help them understand that you never, ever meant for anyone to abuse another and that it is okay to leave when their life is in danger. We pray for the children that are being made pawns by the abuser. Father, cover their hearts and their hurts. Lord protect everyone involved in these situations. Set a hedge of protection around them. Give your angels charge over them. Fill these homes with your light and your love. Fill these homes with a supernatural peace. Holy Spirit bring hope and healing. In Jesus Name Amen

Am I Even Equipped?

Yesterday was a rough day for me. A beautiful woman that works for us got a phone call and a friend of hers was gunned down at the bus stop, in front of the police station. She showed no emotion, at all, as I stood and wept over her. Then the day had to move forward.

Am I even equipped?

The tears would not stop coming as I tried to put words to what I was feeling....that could have been any of our workers, why don't they show their grief, how many times have they seen this, how many people have died senseless deaths.......

Am I even equipped?

I sent an email to a dear friend here in South Africa to express the anger, sorrow, and frustration that I felt at the event and how everyone seemed to be "handling" it or not "handling" it.  To be completely honest, I was angry at Carla because the day had to move forward...and, well...I just didn't understand how we could just keep going forward. So you know, I didn't stay in that anger! But I wanted to be honest and say I did feel it.  Anyway, the Holy Spirit used my friend to remind me that, "the unfortunate thing is that, for many people, this is a daily threat....they live with it." 

Am I even equipped?

For those of you that don't know me, I am a verbal processor, for those of you that do....well, you shouldn't be surprised by this next part. I need to say it all out loud, and so, I sent another, more intense letter, to another friend. She is one that helps me see around all the stuff and into the heart of the matter. I threw questions at her like...how do I minister to this, is this compassion overload, how do you just move forward with the day?

Am I even equipped?

The email that I received back was not one that I was prepared to receive. No, she didn't fuss at me for my lack of faith. No, she didn't say, "if God brings you to it, He'll bring you through it." Nothing like that. She just shared her day, and to be honest, it was rough like mine....Those she loves struggling with some major health issues. Her son and daughter-in-law having to put their sweet dog to sleep. A child, not protected, beaten by their own parents....a hard, rough day. But then she followed up with....

Loneliness, pain and suffering are biting at us; but IN MY JESUS HOLY NAME, none of this wins. No death, no sickness, no lie, no fear will take root in you or I! The blood of Jesus is what covers it all. We lay it down for the JOY OF THE LORD! We run to the Holy Mountain and take refuge in the shadow of Him. We renew and we press in again. 

So...

As the sun rises today, I am in a new place. One that says, I may not be equipped with the knowledge of the world on how to handle grief, but... 

I am equipped with the knowledge of the Word of God. 

I am equipped with the love that flows out of Him, fills me up and then is meant for me to pour out on the brokenhearted. 

I am equipped to know that the best place for me to go when my heart is breaking and I don't think I'm equipped, is into His great big loving arms. Allow Him to love on me and fill me again, so that, I can go out and equip others. 

I am equipped!

A Good Place

On February 11, 2015, we landed in Charlotte for a time of refreshing and reconnecting with family. Today, as we head to the airport I am filled with a beautiful peace that God's hand is perfectly holding each and every one of them in the palm of his hand.

Dad and mom are getting older but they are still so young at heart. We played cards, golfed, talked about the goodness of God and laughed. I realized just how much I'm beginning to look like my mom and, though it makes me cringe a bit, she is the most beautiful woman I know! Dad made sure I got a golf game in and just hearing him say, "that's my girl," will always make my heart smile!

Michael and Laura are raising three boys and juggling life. Life is full of challenges when you're raising children but I am certain that their love for Jesus guides them in how to do it. I'm very proud of the husband/daddy and wife/mommy.

Hannah had very big changes happen in her life. She had our fourth grand baby, Rin, and married her love, Andrew. They are just now embarking on lots of adventure, but again, I know God is holding them in the very palm of his hand.

With all that said, I believe we're leaving them in a very good place and we're leaving in a very good place. We are leaving having been filled up with encouraging words, lots and lots of hugs and kisses and lots of love. Everyone is in a great place...God's hands!

Rejoice! Rejoice!

The following conversation happened on 20, January, 2015, at 9:59 am...

S....I have some good news and bad news.

Me...You got into school?!?!

S....YES!!!

Me...The same school that said you couldn't come?

S...YES!!!

Me...I'm so excited!!!

S...I'm am too, but I won't be able to be at the after school program.

Me...I understand completely!  YOU GOT INTO SCHOOL!!!!

S...Thank you for praying! I love you!

Me...I love you too!

Prayers answered! She's going to school! Thank you all for praying and lifting S before the Lord. When I answered her call, I could hear the smile in her voice and it made me rejoice! Rejoice that My Father answers prayers. Rejoice that My Father sets the lonely in families. Rejoice that My Father is a Father of dreams and visions!

Psalm 35:9 Then my soul will rejoice in the Lord, exulting in his salvation!!

Hope Deferred...

"My mom died when I was 11 and then my stepfather was kidnapped and murdered." 

"He beats me, but I love him and I want to respect him because the Bible says I must."

"I don't have room for my other children to live with me."

"I just want to see my children, but they live too far for me to see them." "They steal your things when you're not looking."

"My son was ripped from my arms and I haven't seen him in since.

"There's no food. I can't go to school because I don't have a uniform."

"I have no shoes."

"My mom abandoned us."

Before long the stories begin to run into each other and you have a hard time grasping what is going on...

"MyentirefamilyhasHIVandTBandwecan'ttakethemedicinebecausewedon'thaveenoughtoeatandsothe medicinemakesussickthesangomasputcursesonussowecan'tlearnmybrotherdiedonMonday,mysister diedonThursdayandmyfatherisinthehospitalIhaveasonthat's12andsickathome,butIhavetocomehereto thehospitaltobewithmy6yearoldwho'salsosick.WhatdoIdo?I'masinglemomandIcan'tbethereforbothof them."

And then you have statements like this...

"My dream has been crushed and I don't have another one."

I have heard all of these stories over the course of the last year. All of them have broken my heart, but none so much as that last statement. My dream has been crushed and I don't have another one, is the beginning of hopelessness and hopelessness is the beginning of giving up entirely and giving up entirely is the beginning of dying on the inside. Here's the story...

.....I had heard that she'd gone to Barberton to apply for school. I have to be very transparent here, my first thought was nooooooo, please don't go and then I went to yeeessssss, God, it's the desire of her heart, please let this happen. She had a plan! Her daughter would go to creche (daycare) during the day and then stay with her gogo (grandmother) at night and she would see her on the weekends...she would be going back to school! The dream that she's had since her daughter was born would be fulfilled. 

As I looked into her face that Tuesday, and saw the excitement and hope that it conveyed, I caught her excitement! She was confident that this was her year! The school would call her on Monday to let her know whether or not she was accepted...she waited with hope!

Exactly 7 days later, when I saw her face, I knew that she had not been accepted. My heart fell. She didn't want to talk about and so I didn't push. I just told her I love her and I'm here for her. 

When we arrived to prepare food for the after school program, she was in the kitchen....quiet, very quiet. She stayed in the kitchen working the pots, while the rest of us chopped veggies and talked excitedly about this being our first day back. "You're awfully quiet this morning," I said to her. Her response, "I'm just quiet these days." 

As tea time approached, and everyone gathered, as cold drinks were poured and the cake put on serviettes, I prayed for her. She smiled, but it never quite reached her eyes. 

My lesson for the day revolved around dreams for the new year, so we started around the group and each person shared their dream for the new year, at least until we got to her. 

With a shrug of her shoulder, she said, "my dreams are crushed." I then asked, "what about for your daughter? Do you have a dream for her?" She just shrugged her shoulders, and sipped from her coke. With the cup raised to her lips, I saw her chin quiver, and then hot tears of hope deferred began to fall. 

The Bible tells us that hope deferred makes the heart sick and without a vision the people perish. When we don't have hope, how can we dream? I do not want this precious child of God to lose all hope! I don't want her to feel as if she can never dream again because dreams don't come true. I want her to dream big dreams for herself and for her daughter. 

I will continue to give her words of encouragement and I will continue to tell her that God will give her the desires of her heart. I will continue to be light to her, but I need your help. Please stand in the gap for her. Please stand in the gap for all who believe that their dreams are crushed and they don't have another one. 

God is the God of dreams and hope and He is the God of promise!

New Year...

...new prayers, new pain, new joy, new sorrow, Same. Big. Merciful. Graceful. Loving. God! 

It's 6:34 am, 8, January, 2015. The grass is wet from the rain last night, the sky is still overcast, and the birds are chirping their morning songs. In the stillness of the morning, I read my devotions, I write, I cry, I pray. I believe.

My devotions are taken from My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. Oswalds words can cut like a knife and then heal like a balm. He is known for his personal, intimate, relationship with Christ. They are taking me deeper into the Word of God and stretching me to be my utmost for His Highest. 

I write...I have already emptied one pen since I started my journal on 28, December. A teacher once told me that when you write things down, your brain remembers them better. I'm finding this to be true. There is a determination in me to write every day. Why? Because life happens fast and God does great things, we forget and I don't want to forget. 

I cry...I cry over R. R is one of the ladies that I work with in the community. She began coming to the after school program in July of last year. R is a vibrant woman, full of a strength and resolve to survive. She began to get very transparent and tell us her hurts and how the Holy Spirit was teaching her to forgive those that had hurt her. R is also married to an extremly abusive man, rapist, and pediphile. When he was in prison is when R began to come to church and to the after school program. While he was in prison, is when R began to grow. Now the cause for my tears....he's back. He's back in her house and he's beating her...again. He's back and I'm not sure R's son is safe. He's back and I'm wondering if she will be "allowed" to come to the after school program. He's back....

...and so I pray....

I pray that God will protect R and her son.

I pray that this man will come to know Christ and no longer beat this beautiful woman.

I pray for the kids that will come to the after school program starting on 15, January. 

I pray for the young girls in these communities. That they will know their value.

I pray for life!

I believe...

...that the prayers of righteous man avail much. 

...I believe that God hears and answers prayer. 

...I believe that God is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all that I could ask or think. 

...I believe that God loves me, He loves the people of South Africa, and He loves you.

New Year...new prayers, new pains, new joys, new sorrow...

SAME. BIG. MERCIFUL. GRACEFUL. LOVING. GOD