Sometimes...

I want to tell God, "no, I don't want to be obedient." 

I want to scream, "I don't understand!"

I think God can never use me.

I physically ache to hold my family.

When I'm in South Africa, I want to be in North Carolina.

When I'm in North Carolina, I want to be in South Africa.

I wonder, "do I belong anywhere?"

I just want to sit on the beach and shed an ocean of tears. 

I need to be encouraged.

I need rest.

I don't need to do anything, because I need to just be. 

I am broken by an acquaintance who questions my love for my grandchildren because I chose to be obedient to God and the calling He has on my life. 

I wonder what would happen if I'm in South Africa and one of my family dies. 

I just want to be my daddy's little girl for a day.

As I pour this out before God, I begin to feel His Presence wash over me. I begin to hear His voice speak to me...

I know you don't want to be obedient, but you are and it's beautiful.

Right now you don't understand, but one day you will.

I'm in the business of using people that are open to being used.

Let me comfort that empty place in you.

There is nothing wrong with missing home, whether it's South Africa or North Carolina. 

You BELONG to Me!

I hear every single word that your tears represent and they touch My heart.

You ARE My beloved daughter. You ARE Mine and I AM yours. 

My daughter, rest in Me.

Be still and know that I am God.

I know your heart and the depth of love you have for your family. I don't question your love for them and I don't want you to question it. 

You be about My business and I'll be about your business. 

Come as little child before Me. Let me hold you. 

Life is full of sometimes moments that can either make or break us. Our choice is what we do with them. Do we lean into Him in the sometimes moments or do we get stuck in the sometimes moments? 

My choice today is to lean into Him and allow His love, joy, peace, mercy and grace to wash over and heal my hurting heart. What's your choice?