Hope Deferred...

"My mom died when I was 11 and then my stepfather was kidnapped and murdered." 

"He beats me, but I love him and I want to respect him because the Bible says I must."

"I don't have room for my other children to live with me."

"I just want to see my children, but they live too far for me to see them." "They steal your things when you're not looking."

"My son was ripped from my arms and I haven't seen him in since.

"There's no food. I can't go to school because I don't have a uniform."

"I have no shoes."

"My mom abandoned us."

Before long the stories begin to run into each other and you have a hard time grasping what is going on...

"MyentirefamilyhasHIVandTBandwecan'ttakethemedicinebecausewedon'thaveenoughtoeatandsothe medicinemakesussickthesangomasputcursesonussowecan'tlearnmybrotherdiedonMonday,mysister diedonThursdayandmyfatherisinthehospitalIhaveasonthat's12andsickathome,butIhavetocomehereto thehospitaltobewithmy6yearoldwho'salsosick.WhatdoIdo?I'masinglemomandIcan'tbethereforbothof them."

And then you have statements like this...

"My dream has been crushed and I don't have another one."

I have heard all of these stories over the course of the last year. All of them have broken my heart, but none so much as that last statement. My dream has been crushed and I don't have another one, is the beginning of hopelessness and hopelessness is the beginning of giving up entirely and giving up entirely is the beginning of dying on the inside. Here's the story...

.....I had heard that she'd gone to Barberton to apply for school. I have to be very transparent here, my first thought was nooooooo, please don't go and then I went to yeeessssss, God, it's the desire of her heart, please let this happen. She had a plan! Her daughter would go to creche (daycare) during the day and then stay with her gogo (grandmother) at night and she would see her on the weekends...she would be going back to school! The dream that she's had since her daughter was born would be fulfilled. 

As I looked into her face that Tuesday, and saw the excitement and hope that it conveyed, I caught her excitement! She was confident that this was her year! The school would call her on Monday to let her know whether or not she was accepted...she waited with hope!

Exactly 7 days later, when I saw her face, I knew that she had not been accepted. My heart fell. She didn't want to talk about and so I didn't push. I just told her I love her and I'm here for her. 

When we arrived to prepare food for the after school program, she was in the kitchen....quiet, very quiet. She stayed in the kitchen working the pots, while the rest of us chopped veggies and talked excitedly about this being our first day back. "You're awfully quiet this morning," I said to her. Her response, "I'm just quiet these days." 

As tea time approached, and everyone gathered, as cold drinks were poured and the cake put on serviettes, I prayed for her. She smiled, but it never quite reached her eyes. 

My lesson for the day revolved around dreams for the new year, so we started around the group and each person shared their dream for the new year, at least until we got to her. 

With a shrug of her shoulder, she said, "my dreams are crushed." I then asked, "what about for your daughter? Do you have a dream for her?" She just shrugged her shoulders, and sipped from her coke. With the cup raised to her lips, I saw her chin quiver, and then hot tears of hope deferred began to fall. 

The Bible tells us that hope deferred makes the heart sick and without a vision the people perish. When we don't have hope, how can we dream? I do not want this precious child of God to lose all hope! I don't want her to feel as if she can never dream again because dreams don't come true. I want her to dream big dreams for herself and for her daughter. 

I will continue to give her words of encouragement and I will continue to tell her that God will give her the desires of her heart. I will continue to be light to her, but I need your help. Please stand in the gap for her. Please stand in the gap for all who believe that their dreams are crushed and they don't have another one. 

God is the God of dreams and hope and He is the God of promise!